Words from the writer. . .

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Lack Of Appreciation

Posted in by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
I Decided To Say This.... It's Been Disturbinq Me.... It's Better To Say It Then Nothinq At All...Right?? First Of All...I'm Not Perfect..... I Have Said And Done Some Harshful Thinqs To One Friend That I Love And Care About Still....And Now What Do I Have?...Nothinq....Their Friendship Is Out The Door. I Know It Seems That I Have Come Across As Shallow And Immature And Confused And Whatnot...But I'm Really Not.... I Admit My Mistakes And Wronqdoinqs Because It's The Right Thinq To Do Always.....I'm Still The Same Sweet Person But I Don't Think They See That....Hey I Can't Blame Them....I'm Not An Asshole I Swear I'm Not...What A Great Friend This Person Was...Always There For Me And I Blew It.... I Say Mean Thinqs Out Of Pure Anger.....I Feel Like A Monster For All That I Said And Done..... This Person Sad Some Horrible Things To Me Like Wowwww I Can't Believe This Is Cominq Out Of Their Mouth Even Though I Was Wrong They Should've Never Said That....Two Wronqs Don't Make A Right. I Am Determined Tho To Get Their Forgiveness One Day But I Also Know That Forgiving Is A Very Difficult Thing To Do....Since It Involves Feelings And I Really Did Hurt This Person's Feelinqs....This Has Been On My Mind For A Very Long Time Now.People Make Mistakes People Can Change For The Better And Really Learn From Them Seriously.... I Know I Have Learned. And This One Other Person That Was Great.. That I've Been Through Crap And Drama With....But When I Think About It....It Should've Never Went The Way It Did....Words And Actions Were Thrown Back And Forth Which Of Course Didn't Make The Situation Any Better At All Whatsoever...The Thinqs They Did Were Misunderstood By Me And The Things I Did Were Misunderstood To Them....All I Have Are Good Times Recorded In My Mind And The Bad Too But Those Things I've Let Go Of Already....I Would've Loved For Everythinq To Become Better But I Didn't Allow It To Happen Because I Just Wouldn't Seem To Forget Some Hurtful Thinqs....It Was Hard To.You Know?....I Wish We Both Would've Appreciated Each Other More.....Maybe One Day Everything Will Be Okay.... As Much As I Would Like To Take Words Back....I Can't.... Everything Does Happen For A Reason...I Say... There's A Sweet And Mean Side Inside Everyone.....What Can I Do??....... I Want Things To Be Back To Normal With These People....But Sometimes Things Might Never Be The Same Ever Again...Who Knows?? It Can Happen... There's Always Hope Somethinq I Never Lost.......Just Wanted To Say That.... But When Will It Be Okay For Me To Say Something??? Will It Ever??? Hopefully.
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Sunday, September 10, 2006

Life Sucks

Posted in by Rafaelina Siri | Edit

This Is The First Time That I Don't Post Up A Poem On One Of Blogs..This Is What I'm Feeling Right At This Moment && It Fucking Sucks. :(

I Feel So Out Of Place In This World...I Feel So Alone Sometimes It's Like What Do I Do?? I'm Afraid Of Endinq Up Alone And Miserable Like The Underground Man. Nothing Is Going My Way...I Really Feel Like Giving Up On Life And Be A Bum Or Something...But I Know That Ain't The Right Thing For Me...I Cry And Cry Myself To Sleep Feeling Like A Worthless Piece Of Shit....I Have No Motivation...No Positiveness From Anyone...I Feel Like I Have No Control Like If I Lost My Control Over Life....I Gotta Stay Up!! I Gotta Make It! I'm Not The Type To Give Up Easily On Things That I Desire For And Care For...But Damn It Can Be Hard...There Are All These Obstacles That I Feel Are Stopping Me From Acheiving My Goals My Wants My Desires...Ugh!!! I Know Everything Happens For A Reason....I Cry!! Like The Human That I Am.....I Look Back At My Life I Stop And Think Like Damnn Why Didn't These People Stay In My Life?? Like My Grandparents And A Couple Of Old Friends.....I Was Full Of Happiness With Them..Especially My Old Folks..They Stood By Me Through Thick And Thin No Matter What Stupidities I Committed....Why?? Because They Loved Me And They Showed It To Me Each And Everyday....I Miss Them So Much!! **A Literal Tear That I'm Crying Right Now.** I Was Stronger Then Than Now......Why Do Things Happen That I Don't Like?? What Did I Do To Deserve Evil Things From People??....I Feel Like Nobody Gives A Fuck About Me....My Feelings Are Blahhhh To Them.....I Hope To Find My Happiness Again Because I'm Not Happy Where I'm At This Point.....I Hate My Life! And I Hate Talking About It...But I'm Doing So Anyway.....I'm Not Perfect Things Happen To Me All The Time....&& I Can't Take It Anymore...The World Is All Types Of Fucked Up....I Wish I Didn't Exist Sometimes To Save All The Pain From Happening.....But I'm Here For A Reason(s) That's Why I'm Still Alive...To Make Something Out Of Myself And I'm Gonna Try With All Of Me To Change My Life To Where I Wanna Be.......Even If Nobody Understands. I Looked Up The Word "Love" To See What It Means And This Is What I Found: love. –noun  ..1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.  ..2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.  ..3. sexual passion or desire.  ..4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.  ..5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?  ..6. a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.  ..7. sexual intercourse; copulation.  ..8. (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.  ..9. affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.  ..10. strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.  ..11. the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.  ..12. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.  ..13. Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.  ..14. a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.  –verb (used with object)  ..15. to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.  ..16. to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).  ..17. to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.  ..18. to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.  ..19. to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.  ..20. to have sexual intercourse with.  ..21. to have love or affection for another person; be in love. 
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