Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Friday, April 23, 2010
Nothing is Something
Looking at my purple marker and notebook paper realizing that I have so much to say, yet I can't say anything at all. I hear scribbles and scribbles from my marker to my paper, scribbles and scribbles yet something comes out, nothing. Nothing is something because it somehow exists, somehow nothing is something. Look at what I am saying, what I am transferring, IT'S SOMETHING!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
formspring.me
The world is yours, ask away ! http://formspring.me/idyllicALLURE
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
The Island of Manhattan - SUCH THRILL
Manhattan is a beautiful place to coexist in with the many people that reside in it. It is a world where AMAZING things happen and where our dreams are a open door, one footstep away.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Your fate being decided by a jury?
Personally, I wouldn't want a jury to choose my fate for whatever reason, if ever, I end up in a trial. This country is weird, so much for democracy, I mean most people that exist don't have a sufficient enough neutral mind to even choose a decision on someone's fate. It makes no sense, really. The people of the jury can be so many things, let's say, like SHALLOWWWW ! Most humans aren't deep enough to have the capability to decipher what's in front of them, let alone choose someone's fate. The outcome of someone's life in the hands of people ? Who are we to judge anyway? We're nobody.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Last night..
As I was laying on my bed in the pure dark last night, I had my pretty bright flashlight towards the ceiling. I noticed the particles that float in the air that's invisible to the naked eye. There are so many things that are invisible to the naked eye. The particles were flowing beautifully vertically, wowww was what I thought. If only I could've taken a picture of it. It looked like magical sparkles in the air, there were just there staring back at me while I thought and thought. The story of my last night..
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My Lungs Need To Breathe Right Away Before I Drown
I don't know when life is going to feel any easier or be any easier. At this point in my life, I
am more alone than ever and I really don't mind it in a way and in a way I do.. Nobody understands anyway, I drown, choke, and suffocate on my own words and thoughts. I dislike many aspects of the many people that surround me, it sickens me and that just makes me think I'm internally going to be alone no matter what for the rest of my life. Why? Because nobody truly takes the time to conversate and understand how I feel about life, they just wanna throw themselves like jumping in a pool without testing the waters. Nobody takes the time to truly feel someone's insides and understand them completely, I mean literally. I'm not a big fan of trusting people with my emotions at all, not even the members of my family. Why? Mostly because I sense people's vibes and aura and if I don't feel you're being geniune in all shape and form expect me not to act like I care.
Somehow, I come across as a big jerk because I stay true to the way I feel. I guess my coldness just says it all and somehow no matter how much I love and care for the ones I truly do love- I cannot come to show it. Why? Because I don't like to be smothered, showing love, affection and that you care is not something you ask and ask and ask- it has to flow naturally. That's just how human
nature works, that's how I work. I mean I do show it, but not when it's requested. I do it on
my own. I don't like clingyness, it disgusts me. I'll admit that at some points in my life I
acted clingy, just thinking about it makes me sick. I cannot come to describe that part of me,
that jerk side. The moral of the story is: BEING GENIUNE AND TRULY UNDERSTANDING.
I am very in touch with my emotions and at the same time I'm one dry bitch. I'm a walking
contradiction. I just want a friend that truly takes their time to understand and connect with
me. It feels lonely when nobody gets it and acts like they get it. Nobody takes the time to
at all whatsoever, it's as if all these people around me are afraid of conversating. I can
honestly say that I have not connected with anyone in my family or any of my friends in the
way that I would like to, tho I have, but not in that intense "WOW" way. There's only one
person that really understands and luckily I've found another friend of mines that has a
unique mind the way I do and it's great. My attitude is an I don't care attitude, I just want to
be understood for how I feel about life, my perspective, for all the passion I feel inside, and
mostly to be understood of this mind I have and TRULYJUST LIVE AND BE ALIVE AND FEEL!
You can say it feels crazy and overwhelmed with so many things that do not leave me alone,
like someone constantly poking me. I just wanna sit in this indie lounge in Williamsburg,
Brooklyn that I really like. I'll sit there with a book or my journal, lying on the hammock while
listening to live serene music with candles all around. That place felt like home to me, I
would want to be there with people that understand my mind, this crazy imaginative mind of mine and I'll be happy ! Who wants to give me a mountain to scream from the top of my lungs? I can't breathe anymore!!
Now that these words I just wrote are replaying in my mind, another epiphany has striked me!
I've had so many epiphanies, I lost count. What if all the geniune I seek in people is something that portrays itself to be something I don't possess with the coldness I sent out to the world? What if my coldness is backfiring on me and is causing this aloneness that I feel? What if I act more loving towards others, the geniune in me would show the more? Everyone needs love, love makes the world go 'round. From now on, I'm going to act more loving because 99.9% of the time, actions speaks VOLUMES and wow I haven't been practicing what I preach. There needs to be a balance, I've found it! Seems like I've brung this upon myself with my attitude. Another slap of reality in my face.
am more alone than ever and I really don't mind it in a way and in a way I do.. Nobody understands anyway, I drown, choke, and suffocate on my own words and thoughts. I dislike many aspects of the many people that surround me, it sickens me and that just makes me think I'm internally going to be alone no matter what for the rest of my life. Why? Because nobody truly takes the time to conversate and understand how I feel about life, they just wanna throw themselves like jumping in a pool without testing the waters. Nobody takes the time to truly feel someone's insides and understand them completely, I mean literally. I'm not a big fan of trusting people with my emotions at all, not even the members of my family. Why? Mostly because I sense people's vibes and aura and if I don't feel you're being geniune in all shape and form expect me not to act like I care.
Somehow, I come across as a big jerk because I stay true to the way I feel. I guess my coldness just says it all and somehow no matter how much I love and care for the ones I truly do love- I cannot come to show it. Why? Because I don't like to be smothered, showing love, affection and that you care is not something you ask and ask and ask- it has to flow naturally. That's just how human
nature works, that's how I work. I mean I do show it, but not when it's requested. I do it on
my own. I don't like clingyness, it disgusts me. I'll admit that at some points in my life I
acted clingy, just thinking about it makes me sick. I cannot come to describe that part of me,
that jerk side. The moral of the story is: BEING GENIUNE AND TRULY UNDERSTANDING.
I am very in touch with my emotions and at the same time I'm one dry bitch. I'm a walking
contradiction. I just want a friend that truly takes their time to understand and connect with
me. It feels lonely when nobody gets it and acts like they get it. Nobody takes the time to
at all whatsoever, it's as if all these people around me are afraid of conversating. I can
honestly say that I have not connected with anyone in my family or any of my friends in the
way that I would like to, tho I have, but not in that intense "WOW" way. There's only one
person that really understands and luckily I've found another friend of mines that has a
unique mind the way I do and it's great. My attitude is an I don't care attitude, I just want to
be understood for how I feel about life, my perspective, for all the passion I feel inside, and
mostly to be understood of this mind I have and TRULYJUST LIVE AND BE ALIVE AND FEEL!
You can say it feels crazy and overwhelmed with so many things that do not leave me alone,
like someone constantly poking me. I just wanna sit in this indie lounge in Williamsburg,
Brooklyn that I really like. I'll sit there with a book or my journal, lying on the hammock while
listening to live serene music with candles all around. That place felt like home to me, I
would want to be there with people that understand my mind, this crazy imaginative mind of mine and I'll be happy ! Who wants to give me a mountain to scream from the top of my lungs? I can't breathe anymore!!
Now that these words I just wrote are replaying in my mind, another epiphany has striked me!
I've had so many epiphanies, I lost count. What if all the geniune I seek in people is something that portrays itself to be something I don't possess with the coldness I sent out to the world? What if my coldness is backfiring on me and is causing this aloneness that I feel? What if I act more loving towards others, the geniune in me would show the more? Everyone needs love, love makes the world go 'round. From now on, I'm going to act more loving because 99.9% of the time, actions speaks VOLUMES and wow I haven't been practicing what I preach. There needs to be a balance, I've found it! Seems like I've brung this upon myself with my attitude. Another slap of reality in my face.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Taurid Meteor Shower
Finally my shooting star has arrived!!!! I'm excited. The Taurid Meteor Shower started on the 4th of November, it's going to continue throughout the week and it is going to be intense around midnight tonight. I'll make sure to look up this time and finally, hopefully get to see the show of flying stars that I've been longing to see since June 2008. I hope GOD grants me this wish. Thank you to V for informing me.
Everyone that "knows" me, knows how infatuated I am with the sky and all of its counterparts. Maybe I'm an alien from Mars, somewhere in the galaxy. It amazes me each and every time, it's like they speak to me through its own language. The sky delivers me peace of mind and serenity, it's attached to me like a baby is to its mother. It's a part of me, I love it.
Can't wait to see my star!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Monday, November 2, 2009
Being Human...How Exhausting
Feelings, I hate them, why don't they just leave me alone? They're like some type of conscience, reminding me of all that I "should" do. Is the mind or should I say the heart that guides you to your fate and destiny?
I just want to be left alone, but I cannot run from myself.IMPOSSIBLE, one of the only things that is not possible is that. They would not leave me alone 'til I have confronted all this "junk" that's stimulating my insides. GOD, why?
I have no energy left, I think I'm going to go crazy. Just lock me up in a mental illness home or something, there's just so much I can take. I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE ENERGY! It's taking over me!! Should I allow it? Is it in my destiny?
It gets lonely, I am lonely yet again all this going on inside of me won't leave me alone. Oh the irony. Nobody understands, I don't think anyone would ever understand what and how you feel, but yourself. Life is lonely, I am a loner in my thoughts,in many aspects, always was, always will.
Life, does it get any easier? It takes the STRONG to deal with this journey.Even though it has been hard, I am remaining a part of that category.
Screw this, I'm not the type to blurt out my feelings detail by detail for the whole world to read. That's not my style, I keep things to myself, maybe that's a problem. Pride and fear have much to do with it, I suppose.I just don't know what to do anymore. Shall I face it? Do I have a choice!?
I have tried, but it seems that I have not tried hard enough. "I am going to FIGHT and do all that it takes to face this" is what, in reality, I want to do, but I do not know if that is what is best to do. A moment of clarity is needed, this "confusion" is drowning my sea of joy.
Is it my fault? Is it destiny? What should be done? I'll continue on this journey of more clarity and thinking. Oh, the pain. Someone once told me, "There's power in prayer", I'll continue praying.
<33
I just want to be left alone, but I cannot run from myself.IMPOSSIBLE, one of the only things that is not possible is that. They would not leave me alone 'til I have confronted all this "junk" that's stimulating my insides. GOD, why?
I have no energy left, I think I'm going to go crazy. Just lock me up in a mental illness home or something, there's just so much I can take. I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE ENERGY! It's taking over me!! Should I allow it? Is it in my destiny?
It gets lonely, I am lonely yet again all this going on inside of me won't leave me alone. Oh the irony. Nobody understands, I don't think anyone would ever understand what and how you feel, but yourself. Life is lonely, I am a loner in my thoughts,in many aspects, always was, always will.
Life, does it get any easier? It takes the STRONG to deal with this journey.Even though it has been hard, I am remaining a part of that category.
Screw this, I'm not the type to blurt out my feelings detail by detail for the whole world to read. That's not my style, I keep things to myself, maybe that's a problem. Pride and fear have much to do with it, I suppose.I just don't know what to do anymore. Shall I face it? Do I have a choice!?
I have tried, but it seems that I have not tried hard enough. "I am going to FIGHT and do all that it takes to face this" is what, in reality, I want to do, but I do not know if that is what is best to do. A moment of clarity is needed, this "confusion" is drowning my sea of joy.
Is it my fault? Is it destiny? What should be done? I'll continue on this journey of more clarity and thinking. Oh, the pain. Someone once told me, "There's power in prayer", I'll continue praying.
<33
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Rhythm Divine
My rhymes rhyme and in do time
my mind presses rewind..stop;
in the middle of a line,
I press pause to hear
the audiences' applause.
Pardon me for there are no excuses,
'scuse me.. When I'm out;
up in the air
go the dueces.
Are you tryna kill me with these rhymes?
All these words sounding so divine.
I just wanna fly away and get up outta here.
this world so cold and dreary,
what a bore to destroy,
yet it's an adore we've conformed,
in this world, we'll be on board,
forever till we have escaped this stupid door.
Oh Lord, take away this sore.
I don't wanna be here anymore.
Forever and more, from me to you,
words galore
pouring out these super pores
(c) Virgilio Mendez and Rafaelina Siri
Sources:
my mind presses rewind..stop;
in the middle of a line,
I press pause to hear
the audiences' applause.
Pardon me for there are no excuses,
'scuse me.. When I'm out;
up in the air
go the dueces.
Are you tryna kill me with these rhymes?
All these words sounding so divine.
I just wanna fly away and get up outta here.
this world so cold and dreary,
what a bore to destroy,
yet it's an adore we've conformed,
in this world, we'll be on board,
forever till we have escaped this stupid door.
Oh Lord, take away this sore.
I don't wanna be here anymore.
Forever and more, from me to you,
words galore
pouring out these super pores
(c) Virgilio Mendez and Rafaelina Siri
Sources:
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sky High
Like a magnet, the constellations in the sky,
Sky high is where my heart resides.
Sky high is what it feels,
Down low is where the fear,
Shattered, drenched in tears,
It's clear, it's when you know,
death, death is near.
Rescue me, rescue me, it's cold.
Take me away from this buried soul,
it seems to not be here,
Rock bottom.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Why Oh Why?
Why oh why is this happening to me
My eyes can't see what my heart is meant to be
I feel like an emotional wreck,
Oh I'm such a beautiful queen.
Why oh why can't you see?
Can't you feel the cries thy heaven has heard from me
My soul is drowning,
it simply cannot be,
one without its other,
it doesn't feel right, it's my dream.
I love you, in love,
Forever thee. Come back to me,
Oh why oh why are you doing this to me?
Is this fate? Why is fate hurting me?
Is it reality that has opened my eyes,
now they see.
They see, finally they see,
What my heart has been running from,
From reality.
I cannot be without your plea,
I can hear your heart crying its eyes out for thee.
Why oh why?
This stupid sickening machine,
Let this love machine and all our chemistry,
Let our hearts, our skin speak out,
Reach out to me,
The stars are waiting, waiting,
Please don't be scared of me.
My eyes can't see what my heart is meant to be
I feel like an emotional wreck,
Oh I'm such a beautiful queen.
Why oh why can't you see?
Can't you feel the cries thy heaven has heard from me
My soul is drowning,
it simply cannot be,
one without its other,
it doesn't feel right, it's my dream.
I love you, in love,
Forever thee. Come back to me,
Oh why oh why are you doing this to me?
Is this fate? Why is fate hurting me?
Is it reality that has opened my eyes,
now they see.
They see, finally they see,
What my heart has been running from,
From reality.
I cannot be without your plea,
I can hear your heart crying its eyes out for thee.
Why oh why?
This stupid sickening machine,
Let this love machine and all our chemistry,
Let our hearts, our skin speak out,
Reach out to me,
The stars are waiting, waiting,
Please don't be scared of me.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
This Sickening Machine
You are my soul, my love in a circle, my love in a low
the devil in a hole,
Speak to me, breathe me, digg me from this machine
See, there's this bullshit called Love.
You know what it does? It kills people, like you and me
This extra emotional machine.
Fuck this machine, let's fuck this machine,
Let's find the backdoor to this drowsy sickening memory.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
It Is What It Is
Don't you just wish people were more honest and stop their bullshitting? It's sooo unbearable, my goodness! Why are people so afraid to keep it real? It's like a disease that everyone has. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE BEANS, it's not the way to live. People such as family, friends, lovers, co-workers, everyone should just save their BS for someone who believes in it. Like I said, "if you are a bullshitter and can't keep it a billion, I do not feel bad for you", and I don't care who you are. I shall and won't stress myself over human individuals that can't just be honest, like I give a fuck. All I love and appreciate is honesty, no matter how much it hurts, but there is a difference between saying the truth without any emotion and saying it taking into consideration of the other person's feelings . In other words, say the truth as kindly as possible without being harsh and cynical because people have feelings, but always say the truth no matter what. So many people are afraid of saying what's real, you gotta roll with the punches. This is life. That's just how it is, understand? Bullshitters are cowards, they should all have their profession as a psychologist, bullshitting and manipulating the mind like a puppet. Stressing over people that aren't worthy? Stress kills! No thanks, I'll pass.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Alma Perdida
Alma mia, adonde estas? Adonde te fuistes?
Porque me dejastes sola?
Me siento incompleta,
me siento sin motivo, sin sentido.
Muy triste estoy.
Porque me dejastes sola?
Me siento incompleta,
me siento sin motivo, sin sentido.
Muy triste estoy.
Siento un vacio en el centro de mi ser,
siento como si no fuera un ser humano,
Me siento como un monstro:
Sin dolor, sin nada por dentro.
Me robaron a ti, mi mundo.
Tu eres mi mundo.
Ahora sin ti, me siento nada.
Pero a la misma vez, siento muchas cosas.
Siento dolor, siento remordimientos, siento rencor,
siento que me arrancaron mi sentido de sentir, de vivir.
Estoy perdida, perdida en el espacio.
Estoy gritando: ayuda, ayuda!
Me estoy ahogando, siento que estoy borrandome,
poco a poco,
NO EXISTO. MUERTA EN VIDA ES LO QUE SIENTO.
Mi Alma Perdida, regresas a mi!
Alma perdida, no soy nada sin ti.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Monday, August 17, 2009
Shipwrecked
Lost, stuck, flabbergasted, dumbfounded, bamboozled can't even begin to describe the happenings that are surrounding my inner life, it simmers itself free, demonstrating its colors on my outer layer.
Anxious, I feel.
Lost, in a manner, that creates this power of frustration, of confusion.
Asphyxiation, smotherness, suffocation, constricted, stunted.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Friday, August 14, 2009
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you
may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater
and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career,
however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing
fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business
affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue
there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign
affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of
youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you
in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark
imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and
loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be
gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less
than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here. And
whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it
should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and
aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken
dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrman
(c) Max Ehrman 1926
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Friday, August 7, 2009
The Moment
Today we have higher buildings and wider highways, but shorter temperaments and narrower points of view. We spend more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses, but smaller families. We have more compromises, but less time. We have more knowledge, but less judgment. We have more medicines, but less health. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk much, we love only a little, and we hate too much. We reached the moon and came back, but we find it troublesome to cross our own street and meet our neighbors. We have conquered the outer space, but not our inner space. We have higher income, but less morals… These are times with more liberty, but less joy… With much more food, but less nutrition…These are days in which two salaries come home, but divorces increase. These are times of finer houses, but more broken homes. That's why I propose that as of today -- You do not keep anything for a special occasion, because every day that you live is a special occasion. Search for knowledge, read more, sit on your front porch and admire the view without paying attention to the needs. Pass more time with your family, eat your favorite food, visit the place you love. Life is a chain of moments of enjoyment; it isn't only survival. Use your crystal goblets. Do not save your best perfume… use it every time you feel you want it. Take out from your vocabulary phrases like, "one of these days" and "someday". Let's write that letter we thought of writing "one of these days…"Let's tell our families and friends how much we love them. Never pass up a chance at adding laughter and joy to your life. Every day, hour, and minute are special… Because you never know if it will be your last…If you're too busy to take some minutes to share this message with someone you love, and you tell yourself that you will share it "one of these days"… "one of these days" can be very far away, and you may not be there to see it…
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Monday, August 3, 2009
Hardships of Love
Many people might think, you're dumb for staying with him/her, why are you putting yourself through that? Don't be a punk, blah blah blah. Have you ever thought why and how couples that stay together for 30 years, 50 years, 60 years? Because they have been through it all together, through thick and thin, and every obstacle that have presented itself. Forgiveness, effort, and understanding are key. Love doesn't suck, people suck. People cause love to stink. Love is beautiful! Love requires much patience and forgiveness and strength. Love is everything, it has everything you can possibly think of. Soulmates aren't perfect, nobody is. Be prepared for the Hardships of Love, the package that comes along with it. It gets bumpy, but it's all worth it when you have your soulmate by your side. It has to work, you got to make it work. When is enough enough? NEVER, not when it comes to your other soul. Be ready.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Friday, July 31, 2009
Life Downhill
Today has been a very emotionless, plain, gloomy day for me. The weather hasn't been cooperating, which hasn't been of great help to how I've been feeling. One thing I do know is that I'm happy to be alive, everything happens for a reason. I wish everything, every aspect of my life were different. I'll be happier. I feel like everything has gone downhill and that it isn't getting any better. When is GOD going to give me a break? I haven't received one.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Crying
Crying soothes my soul. It reminds me that I am human and that I have feelings. I hurt. I suffer. The anger I feel, the frustration I feel, the love I feel, the hatred I feel, the pain I feel all has accumulated into a sea of sorrow deep inside of me, bringing tears to the windows of my soul: my eyes.
Crying is what I am feeling right now. .
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments
