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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Six Silent Tears

Posted in , , , , , , , , , , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
Last night before I went to bed
Thoughts of you filled my head
Though I have not cried this way in many years
Onto my pillow fell six silent tears
The first was for your smile that I miss
And your tender lips I long to kiss
The second was for your angle face
And thoughts of your loving embrace
The third came as no surprise
As I thought of your beautiful eyes
The fourth came rolling
Instead of my pillow, it should have been you I was holding
The fifth came for one reason alone
I felt my love for you wasn't fully shown
I really love and miss you my dear
And there just fell the sixth silent tear.
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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What Am I To Do?

Posted in , , , , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
I haven't done one of these in a really long time. I've been feeling the need to write. Lately, things haven't been how I want them to be in general, but hey, not everything is how we want them to be. I'm feeling so many different emotions right now, that I don't even know what to write. I'm hurt. My heart hurts, my soul hurts, my whole body hurts. I feel like incomplete, like a part of me is missing. I just wanna fly away, a place where I can be at peace with myself and with how my life is. This is not how I want things to be. It feels like nothing ever gets better. There is so much of myself that I have yet to discover, I know I am stronger than I believe at times and I know things will get better with how things are. I hope things get better with my life: my family, my friends, my career, and with love. Things have not been good. I hope to become more bonded with my family and be more open towards them. I hope to aim for all that I dream of. I hope to be able to show all the love I have without being afraid. It's a risk I must take. I hope to become a stronger person, I hope to be able to open up my heart without feeling afraid of pain, hurt, and suffering; that is what life is about, about learning and being a human being.
I know all of these things, but it is sooo hard for me to say how I feel at times. The words are there, but they do come out, fear takes over me, like I freeze and so many questions begin to swirl in my mind. It's nothing personal to anyone, it's not that I am not honest, it's not that I'm a coward, it's none of that, it's just that it's hard to trust someone with your innermost thoughts and feelings. Being vulnerable to someone, in someone's eyes, is a scary thing because you're risking your heart and you're risking getting hurt. I feel that if someone knows too much about you, it can ruin things, perhaps the interest will go away. It's brave to demonstrate yourself all out there. I cry about it, I cry that I can't say how I feel and what I am feeling. It hurts me, it's been affecting me for years. Sometimes, I feel like I am going to end up alone without anyone because I tend to push people away from me. I don't do it intentionally, it is how it is. It's a wall I've had up, and now I have to bring it down. I have to let it all out and be free. I know I have to work on that part of me, I try soooo hard, I need to let go of all the hurt from people in my life. That is the only way I'll reach complete happiness. I know I can do it. This is one of the reasons I love writing so much.
I hope to become the best person I can be, more of who I am, but better. You live and you learn, that is what we're for. It's me and G O D, he's going to help me. I promised myself I would not cry, but I am human. It's a sign of bravery and strength to tear. Tears are beautiful, where do they come from? Today I lost a beautiful part of me, it hurts sooo bad, but I pray that things will be alright and that I'll be able to get through this. I have learned soo much. I don't think I'll be to love another, I don't think I'm supposed to. I must admit, I honestly do not how I am going to make it. Love conquers all?
I am alone now, more alone than ever before. Like the saying goes, "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone", I guess that saying is true. I don't know if I can handle it, but I hope to overcome my pain as the days go by. God knows what's best for me, doesn't he? This is a time where I have to be strong for myself, especially for myself. I can't let myself get down. I've come to accept how things are, who I am, and what I am here for. Good days bring happiness and bad days bring experience, both are essential to life.
~Rafaelina Siri
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Saturday, January 3, 2009

Writing away.

Posted in , , , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
Currently watching the George Lopez show. It's a funny show that should've never been cancelled.

In this episode, George's insensitive mother, Benny is depressed. She lost her house, her car, her life savings, her dog, her everything in a fire. Her boss comes and brings her flowers, supposedly he wants to see how she's doing. She's been out of work for 2 weeks, but what he really went for was to tell her that if she doesn't get back to work by Monday, she was going to be replaced. He says to George, "She's shouting at lambs and eating out of garbage cans. I kinda wanted to see that." This show is just too much, uh I just wanted to say that.

I'm sitting here with this massive teethache. Yes, teeth as in plural, more than one and I'm all bundled up, cold in this house. Like who bundles up to be home? I. Ugh. My whole head and the right side of my face has been hurting for a few days now, including all the teeth on my right side, due to congestion I suppose. Just a few days ago, it hurted to blow my nose because my right ear would get clogged and make weird noises. I was deaf! I have never felt pain inside my face, it sucks soooo bad! I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, praise the beautiful Lord. I can't wait!! I really do not like taking medicine, in fact I hate it. So I have been drinking water, praying, massaging, and a bit of ibuproben I must admit even though it's just a temporary pain reliever that doesn't do much but it's something. Mucinex I need, perhaps TheraFlu, how about both. I've been thinking about going to the E.R., but having to wait for long hours wasn't something I wanted. F.Y.I: Medicine is not good.

I prayed earlier. I prayed soooo passionately to G O D that he takes the pain away. Someone told me that there's power in prayer, that someone is my amazing boyfriend Anthony, but I already knew that except he made me believe in it more than I already did. After a while, the pain drastically went down. I had a feeling my prayer was going to be heard. And yep you guessed right, the pain is gonee! Now the pain is minor, it is pounding a bit, just a bit.

Btw, Happy New Years to everyone out there :] I can't believe it's 2009 already, whoaaaa.

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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Rose of Desire

Posted in , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
As I plant a seed into the soil, the soil of my unpredictable life.
Hoping for each seed to blossom throughout the darken night.
Without the knowledge of knowing what each seed will form into...
But a rose I wish upon a star for this precious seed to be.
I will pray so my rose will be a rose filled with love and beauty,
With Gracefulness and Charm.
A rose that would be viewed as a quantum characteristic that accounts
for the existence of love.
A while It took to search for the perfect seed, till I found the one that spoke the
language of love back to me.
The seed of desire that will blossom into,
A perfect love for me to call my own.
The petals on that rose,
Will be the petals that present my life,
such a life I will live, for all I long for is to,
find the perfect love to call my own...
Such beauty, such desire,
Such sweet scent I want you to hold proudly.
I will not fear to see what you might become,
For I shall not walk away I will be here waiting for you.
You are my beauty.
You are my path.
You are the rose I will water,
If you promise to stay for a while.
Many roses their petals fall out of their place But I am hoping yours will always be invigorating.
I hope you won't have to say good-bye soon,
For I will hold a promise tonight to watch you grow and to admire your beauty as,
You blossom through this quiet and lonely night.
I will listen carefully and watch your sweet body,
Grow with mine.
I will tell you stories about the nights I spent,
Being lonely.
I will tell you about how beautiful the past nights used to be when I gently fell asleep under the shimmering stars.
I will tell you about the feeling of being loved a lifetime ago,
and I promise to show you my heavenly garden as soon,
As you decide its me who you want to see on to morrow.
But tonight I am here to guide you and I am here to protect you...
My Rose I wish you would become, for tonight my being is yours to keep...
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Sunday, June 15, 2008

What The Fuck!?

Posted in by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
Yo Seriously People Have Issues, What The Fuck!? [Excuse My French] I'm Actually Not Sorry, Nah. I'm Pissed Off Right About Now Cause Dumbass People Can't Keep It Real. My Instincts Were Damnn Right As Always. They Never Lie To Me. Beating Around The Bush Don't Get You Places, Tell Like It Is. Simple As That. What The Hell Is Up With This Retarded World? I'm Tight. Confused And Annoyed. I Don't Believe In People, That's Why I'm Good All By Myself. Fuck That Shit. It's Mad Hilarious, Can You Demonstrate L-M-A-O? Hahahahaha, So Fucking Amusing. It's All Good.
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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The End Of Suburbia

Posted in , , , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit

Consider one or two social institutions and write about how they will be affected by the crises depicted in the video and the essays. Again, include 250 words and personalize it. In other words, I want to know how this will likely affect you and people close to you.


'The End of Suburbia: Oil Depletion and The Collapse of The American Dream' , how sad it is to hear that, the collapse of the American Dream because it is something everyone wants to achieve from all around the world. We all want to live perfect, luxurious and convenient lives. The institutions of media and family will most likely be affected by the crises that were shown in the video and essays. The media would not have vehicles or the new technology to advertise and families would not be able to go for the dream of having a good life for their children because we have to reduce our usage on the energy we are using. Global warming and peak oil are huge issues that we do not realize is affecting our world and possibly end our lives, if we do not act upon it now as a whole. It worries me that we will not be able to enjoy international goods and live from the food that is being distributed locally because I would love for my children to know about different cultures by the means of production. Everyone would have to live with a limit on things, in small portions, like we would not be able to do much things because it will eventually kill us. Do we want to die? Of course we wil someday, but not this way and having our world end. The American Dream is something we all want: an enormous house, expensive beautiful cars, a load of money, getaway trips, having a great career and just reaching the ultimate happiness, but what we did not realize is the consequences of that dream that we long for. More energy, oil, and technology is being used, more than ever before, we do not do this intentionally, we did not think that living our dream would affect our world with this great impact. Imagine having no oil for cars or having to wait for oil to come, how are we going to travel from one point to another? What are we going to do, walk, fly like in second life, ride a horse, jog, what? What we would do if everything runs out? What are we going to do? We are not prepared for a major crisis, I am not prepared. I have never thought about any of the things we take for granted run out. Nothing lasts forever. This is affecting our generation and the many more generations to come. It's affecting my life and the lives of my close ones, it really does worry me because we can't do as much as we would like, it's as if we have no choice because energy, food, oil, and technology are things we need to live. Global warming is the result of our dream, wow, it is unfortunate to hear that, who would of known? But now that we do know the effects of 'our dream', we must help reduce sea glaciers, peak oil, and conserve energy because limited living, gas prices and food prices are going to rise to the point that we really are going to come to an end. Lets go green, we still have time.

Related Articles/Essays:
'If We Want To Survive The Climate Crisis'
'Is There A Plan For Life After Peak Oil'

For More Information:
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Human Individuals: Lack of Morality & Values

Posted in by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
Human Individuals Nowadays Are Ridiculous, I Tell Ya. Society Is Different, Nobody Is Honest, What Happened To It? Am I One Of The Few People Left With Morals And Values? Isn't Venting Great? It Sure As Hell Is. It Is A Shame That People These Days Are The Complete Opposite Of Who I Thought They Were And The Complete Opposite Of Who They Claim To Be. There Is Just So Much Damn Hypocrisy And Contradictions Going Around, It Makes Me Sick To My Stomach. It Brings Much Sadness. Some People Are Afraid To Show Who They Really Are And "Be" Who They Believe They Should Be, Why? My Admiration And Respect Is Completely Diminished. The Truth Always Comes To Light, Like The Saying Goes, "The Truth Shall Set You Free", One Of My Favorite Quotes In The History Of History. What Happened To Morals? And Values? Is There Any Good Left In This Cruel World? People Have Issues. How Can People Have The Nerve To Claim And Preach Something They Are Not? How? I Do Not Understand How People Lie All The Damn Time, Do They Have A Conscience? Conscience Eats People Alive. Think You Have Control Of Your "Secrets" And "False Appearances" And "Lies"? You Truly Do Not. Take A Good Hard Look In The Mirror, Who Are You? Because I Do Not Know Anymore, I Don't Think I Ever Did. How Dare Thee? "Keep Your Friends Close, But Your Enemies Closer", Isn't That A Beautiful Saying? I Am So Amused. The Definition Of Morals And Values, In Case You Did Not Know, Is:  Mo-ral: of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical Value: relative worth, merit, or importance MEMORIZE THIS INTO YOUR HEAD!!
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