Words from the writer. . .

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Thursday, May 7, 2009

I Wish....

Posted in , , , , , , , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
I'm sitting here on my computer, I haven't written on my blog for a while now. I always write, it is something i LOVE with all my heart! I wish life were less complicated right now, things aren't looking quite well as I would expect it to be. I am currently out of a J-O-B like millions of other people dealing with these tough times in this recession. I don't know how this government expects people to make ends meet, it's tough out there. I can't be at home as much as I would like, on top of that traveling back and forth between New York and New Jersey can be unbearable and it drives me nuts, really. In life, you have to make sacrifices in order to progress and my sacrifice is not being at home in my own room, in my own space with my parents. There is not place like home! I wish I was more at peace with life, I'm happy with some aspects of my life like having my great family, my close few friends, and my amazing boyfriend: they really make life worthwhile and easier to cope with. Don't get me wrong, life is beautiful and I love it, no one said it was going to be easy, it comes to show how determined and how strong and motivated you are to reach your utmost abilities and conquer your dreams and where you wanna be by the time I'm 25. But one thing I never lose, no matter how frustrating and arghh things get, is HOPE and FAITH. I truly do believe in God and I know that he is gonna give me a break some day soon. I'm going to be a successful model actress and writer. I love the arts, it is so amazingggg, nothing but love! Like emotionally, I don't and haven't been feeling well. I feel lousy and low like I am not worthy of anything. I wish my life would be 1000 times better in terms of career and residence situation, but I am sorta of content with what I have and I have to appreciate that because there are so many people out there who have worst than me and have nothing. I have an AMAZING boyfriend named Anthony. He really is a great person, I see myself in him in so many ways and his sparkly eyes have a wonderful story to tellm they say so much. I see myself being with him for the rest of my life. He is truly my gift from GOD. There aren't words to explain how he makes me feel, how I feel about him, as cliche as it sounds. He makes everything more alleviating!! On a brighter note, I worked out today, I'm maintaining my shape and eating well. I should be signed to a major modeling agency in the city pretty soon (I hope so). My parents arranged a family meeting for this Friday, I've been invited to so many places for Saturday, and Mother's Day is on Sunday, AHHHHHHHHHH! I'm gonna go insane, being on a budget is not easy at all and on top of the fact that I paid for my frigging' phone bill. (i love my BLACKBERRY tho!) i don't know what I'm gonna do, but hey I got 2 interviews and I had a photo shoot, kudos for me! :) I am writing a love letter to my gorgeous other half, it relaxes and soothes my soul! LORD, thank you for sending him to me! And thank you for having me here on Earth, you have given me great people to coexist with! i love them all! I'm listening to soft, serene music... I hope I get well soon....Goodnight world. ~Rafaelina
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Friday, April 3, 2009

Untold And Unforeseen

Posted in , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
Something That Was Written A Long Time Ago. I Decided To Post It. If I could look into the future and see what it holds for both you and I, I know it wouldn't be a fantasy world of no worries or problems, we know, that would be a lie. Because life without obstacles would make everything simple and plain, Who wants to live in a world where everyone and everything is all the same? Our trials and tribulations will help us to be and do our very best, Not to repeat but to teach us to get stress and frustration off our chest. Our victories will remind us that we can overcome and continue, as we travel down life's two way street, leaving and learning a bit of knowledge with everyone we meet. There will be times when there is just too much to take and you start to shed a tear, No need to worry, I will be right there to calm your fear. Our emotions, thoughts, and the things we say, Are part of this construction that paves our way. To what kind of future we will make, After all it is fifty-fifty, give and take. Our bodies are our armor and we must take great care, It is our means of mobility to take us from here to there. Although our spirit will survive no matter if we live or lay our heads to final rest, But we must not take anything for granted or think of ourselves any less. What I see in the future for both you and I, I can't see or say for sure but we can make it what we want if we only try. It's a complicated thing when you think about life and what it may hold, Whether or not you're going to live until you are old. But things like that shouldn't matter right now, at this present time, What matters at this point, in this life is that, I am yours and you are mine.
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Monday, February 2, 2009

Innovation

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"The Fear Is Gone, All Of Me, All I Have Is Free."
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Look Within

Posted in , , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
There is so much beauty in,
This wondrous blue rose.
If only we could capture it,
Within our very souls.
If we could take its beauty,
And apply the glow within,
Search a little deeper,
In the soul beneath our skin.
Take what it does stand for,
And shed its love abroad.
Don't hide the glow within you,
But share the love of God.
You know you can't touch beauty
Without it rubbing off on you,
And spreading it to others
In the kindness that you do.
There lies within each one of us,
The beauty like this rose,
When it's used in touching others,
Then its beauty overflows.
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Sunday, February 1, 2009

All I See Is You

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I remember us,the way we used to be,
I'd hold you in my arms,your smile so sweet to me,
But now when I see you,
you look right through me,
I feel so alone now,
but when I close my eyes...
...All I see is you.
The love we used to share,
gone up in whirl winds,
will I ever love,
or ever live again,
I am tired of crying,
and I am done trying,
To remember all about you,
but when I close my eyes...
...All I see is you.
All the love I am sending,
the memories I won't sell,
I know there must be an ending,
to the story I will tell,
I dream only of your love,
and happiness in life,
I try not to think of you,
but when I close my eyes...
...All I see is you.
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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Six Silent Tears

Posted in , , , , , , , , , , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
Last night before I went to bed
Thoughts of you filled my head
Though I have not cried this way in many years
Onto my pillow fell six silent tears
The first was for your smile that I miss
And your tender lips I long to kiss
The second was for your angle face
And thoughts of your loving embrace
The third came as no surprise
As I thought of your beautiful eyes
The fourth came rolling
Instead of my pillow, it should have been you I was holding
The fifth came for one reason alone
I felt my love for you wasn't fully shown
I really love and miss you my dear
And there just fell the sixth silent tear.
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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What Am I To Do?

Posted in , , , , , by Rafaelina Siri | Edit
I haven't done one of these in a really long time. I've been feeling the need to write. Lately, things haven't been how I want them to be in general, but hey, not everything is how we want them to be. I'm feeling so many different emotions right now, that I don't even know what to write. I'm hurt. My heart hurts, my soul hurts, my whole body hurts. I feel like incomplete, like a part of me is missing. I just wanna fly away, a place where I can be at peace with myself and with how my life is. This is not how I want things to be. It feels like nothing ever gets better. There is so much of myself that I have yet to discover, I know I am stronger than I believe at times and I know things will get better with how things are. I hope things get better with my life: my family, my friends, my career, and with love. Things have not been good. I hope to become more bonded with my family and be more open towards them. I hope to aim for all that I dream of. I hope to be able to show all the love I have without being afraid. It's a risk I must take. I hope to become a stronger person, I hope to be able to open up my heart without feeling afraid of pain, hurt, and suffering; that is what life is about, about learning and being a human being.
I know all of these things, but it is sooo hard for me to say how I feel at times. The words are there, but they do come out, fear takes over me, like I freeze and so many questions begin to swirl in my mind. It's nothing personal to anyone, it's not that I am not honest, it's not that I'm a coward, it's none of that, it's just that it's hard to trust someone with your innermost thoughts and feelings. Being vulnerable to someone, in someone's eyes, is a scary thing because you're risking your heart and you're risking getting hurt. I feel that if someone knows too much about you, it can ruin things, perhaps the interest will go away. It's brave to demonstrate yourself all out there. I cry about it, I cry that I can't say how I feel and what I am feeling. It hurts me, it's been affecting me for years. Sometimes, I feel like I am going to end up alone without anyone because I tend to push people away from me. I don't do it intentionally, it is how it is. It's a wall I've had up, and now I have to bring it down. I have to let it all out and be free. I know I have to work on that part of me, I try soooo hard, I need to let go of all the hurt from people in my life. That is the only way I'll reach complete happiness. I know I can do it. This is one of the reasons I love writing so much.
I hope to become the best person I can be, more of who I am, but better. You live and you learn, that is what we're for. It's me and G O D, he's going to help me. I promised myself I would not cry, but I am human. It's a sign of bravery and strength to tear. Tears are beautiful, where do they come from? Today I lost a beautiful part of me, it hurts sooo bad, but I pray that things will be alright and that I'll be able to get through this. I have learned soo much. I don't think I'll be to love another, I don't think I'm supposed to. I must admit, I honestly do not how I am going to make it. Love conquers all?
I am alone now, more alone than ever before. Like the saying goes, "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone", I guess that saying is true. I don't know if I can handle it, but I hope to overcome my pain as the days go by. God knows what's best for me, doesn't he? This is a time where I have to be strong for myself, especially for myself. I can't let myself get down. I've come to accept how things are, who I am, and what I am here for. Good days bring happiness and bad days bring experience, both are essential to life.
~Rafaelina Siri
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